dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
