he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
