i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's blow job season.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
