Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
