I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
