# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
