i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
