can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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