my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
