I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
