Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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