you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You are the jesus of drinking
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
