there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
