Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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