I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
