Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
