Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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