hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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