the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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