in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
