oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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