I want to make a zoo with you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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