he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
