i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
