i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
