quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
