before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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