That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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