i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this just has baby written all over it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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