forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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