guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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