I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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