Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i out mim tonsoeep
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