The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
