Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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