shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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