exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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