god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
