found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
