peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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