My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
