this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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