Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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