Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
