i jhust puked up my retainher.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
