dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
