if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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