she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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