dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
