planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So here I am, sexting at work.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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