What did we do last night that was yellow?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
