I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
