I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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