You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
