Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
