i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
