Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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