She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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