proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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