went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
