i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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