I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
