I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i drank out of a bidet.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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