Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
