if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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