I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
