Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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